Do you like tasty muffins? Yeah, me neither. Fortunately, I’ve devised a fool-proof system that will ensure that you can produce batch after batch of ridiculously foul muffins. Follow these simple steps, and you too, can produce baked goods of incomparable grossness!

1. Don’t settle for a single type of muffin. Lemon poppyseed? Booooring. Orange Cranberry? Snore. Lemon Orange Cranberry Poppyseed? Now we’re talking!

2. If you’re gluten free, make sure to use ALL buckwheat flour. After all, the strong taste of buckwheat goes really well with everything.

3. Omit all the fat in the recipe. They probably don’t need it, anyways.

4. Omit all the sugar in the recipe. Throw in a few tablespoons of agave and hope for the best.

5. When swapping ingredients in and out, ignore all dry:wet ingredient issues. Even if the resulting batter is too stiff, it’ll probably be fine once it bakes. Usually. Sometimes. Not at all.

There, see? Five easy steps! For best effect, eat while still warm, so the freshly baked no-fat texture can be fully appreciated.


P.S.: Has anyone heard of the SarcMark? I’m torn between thinking it’s silly and brilliant, but am definitely confused by their entirely un-sarcastic commercial. Seriously.

Have a good weekend! Hopefully, with no bad muffins! šŸ™‚